In previous posts, I’ve alluded to the fact that there may be some tricks to this whole living your best life thing (check out the post ‘Do What You Want, Period‘), but I think the time has come to make those, let’s call them “secrets”, crystal clear.

The path to la dolce vita starts with a universal base, and yet if you want to start living a deeply fulfilled existence, plan on having a big conversation, solo and unscripted, about your unique values and dreams. The way the following is laid out is I have identified the “secret”, highlight why it’s important, and then give a pointer or two as to how to incorporate the idea into your life. Final note, the first one is a bit is a bit of a doozie, so maybe reread it a couple of times.

1. End breaking life into “chapters” This looks a bit like: ‘first I go to college, then I get a job, then I meet the love of my life, then we get married… house… kids… retirement… travel… etc. etc. etc.’
   • Adjust your concept of life transitions from physical dates in time and photograph-worthy achievements to an image of a life journey on a river called Change.
   • When we break our lives into “chapters”, we obstruct the flow of this river, making it more difficult to move through.
   • By allowing the river to be a continuous ride, with less emphasis on one piece over any other, we can appreciate the experience in a more inclusive way, where the “bad” parts blend with “good” parts, the outcome has a clear connection to the beginning… and it’s more fun!
     • It can be dislocating to compartmentalize the past and identify or label specific periods in history as the “fill-in-the-blank Days”. When I find myself thinking in such patterns, I try one of two things:
     • Have a party with my 4-year-old self and my 94-year-old self. Looking at the range of my life, the beginning and the unknown, allows me to see the Change River as one whole waterline. My younger version had the potential to be the version I am today, and this version has the trajectory to be the old woman I will someday be. All of the life I have lived, and will live, merges together in a really beautiful, powerful way.
     • See my current circumstances as exactly the way I had ever wished it to be. I have found that when I am grateful, happy, and present with my sphere, I see my past as a long single cascade of buildup for the now.
       
2. The second secret is to embrace that which makes you imperfect. The first time this concept really hit me was after reading Tara Brach’s book, Radical Acceptance. The practice of remaining open to, and even inviting, change, anxiety, fear, can have a tremendously positive impact on the relationship with self and how we interact with the world around us.
   • It’s bad enough to have worry, to have anxiety, to have frizzy hair… so why harp on it more by allowing it to bring down the mood? The things we dislike the most about ourselves are complicated or impossible to get rid of, and they also don’t need to be focal points.
   • Indulging in fear can become habitual and become a very real wall between you and where you want to be. Ignoring our fears legitimates them and also hinders us from living our optimal lives.
     • Everyone has a handful of things they don’t like about themselves, or could blame for why they aren’t where they want to be (‘if only I were funny enough…‘), and when my imperfections are staring me in the face, I do a little of this:
     • Go with it! So, side corner truth here, I have social anxiety, and sometimes when put on the spot, I turn bright red (I mean, I can literally feel my face burning up), and instead of running away crying, like I would have loved to do in the past, I just go with it. I have even found that when I hold my cherry-red cheeks and smile, I get a kind and fun reaction from the person(s) I’m interacting with and can start to relax. It’s only when we try to stop the discomfort that it becomes unbearable.
       • 
3. Now that we’ve pointed out the crapola that is getting in the way of leading our most romantic, stupendous lives, let’s get to the third secret: be your absolute best friend.
   • Be the friend who knows you better than you know yourself. The one who is real, honest, the one who you truly respect. Enjoy yourself for the reasons your friends enjoy you (but first, make sure you have great friends!), and be open to seeing your life through the perspective of someone who chooses to love you.
     • For some of us, it can be easy to be our biggest critic, but being our own absolutely excellent best friend can come a little easier when doing some of the following:
     • Go on a date with yourself. Go somewhere you love, do something that you love, and dedicate that time to relishing in your unique choices and interests.
     • Allow the world to love you. Think about a person you admire, know that wonderful emotion of holding someone in high regard. Now flip it around and know that you are worthy of receiving the same esteem.

Once we clear our path of self-manifested obstacles and embrace our true nature, we can build a sweetness to our lives that is sincere and dynamically rewarding.